Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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