i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
