Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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