youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
