i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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