The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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