oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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