Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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