and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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