Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
