Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
