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I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
