You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
