The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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