why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
