WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
