if i can run in heels then i can drive
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
