Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
