k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We had to coat check the pizza.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
