I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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