Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
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Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
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He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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