we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
