drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize