I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
