I wanna bring you to show and tell
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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