I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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