i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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