If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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