I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
