very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms