Texts From Last Night

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  (925): View more from California

  Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead

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  (925): Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead http://tfl.nu/949y
  Replies (8) Good night (1323) Bad night (488)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.

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  (203): I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you. http://tfl.nu/ig1m
  Replies (8) Good night (1466) Bad night (652)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.

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  (412): girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid. http://tfl.nu/vm0r
  Replies (10) Good night (3495) Bad night (590)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?

  (702): View more from Nevada

  not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning

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  (361): is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time? (702): not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning http://tfl.nu/nxoz
  Replies (23) Good night (2625) Bad night (4313)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!

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  (214): dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones! http://tfl.nu/aql1
  Replies (72) Good night (6579) Bad night (1072)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..

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  (608): Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me.. http://tfl.nu/thrx
  Replies (23) Good night (1582) Bad night (4679)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"

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  (412): I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this" http://tfl.nu/4n5n
  Replies (29) Good night (1604) Bad night (5154)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes

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  (+44): what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes http://tfl.nu/x7um
  Replies (7) Good night (3263) Bad night (1111)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon

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  (773): I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon http://tfl.nu/rw5r
  Replies (10) Good night (2994) Bad night (1013)
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  (760): View more from California

  I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.

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  (760): I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment. http://tfl.nu/vulx
  Replies (2) Good night (822) Bad night (464)
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  (949): View more from California

  So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?

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  (949): So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right? http://tfl.nu/9g1d
  Replies (13) Good night (1352) Bad night (861)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord

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  (907): his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord http://tfl.nu/yjwk
  Replies (6) Good night (1234) Bad night (533)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis

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  (703): that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis http://tfl.nu/car4
  Replies (7) Good night (1018) Bad night (426)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials

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  (863): Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials http://tfl.nu/uibd
  Replies (3) Good night (704) Bad night (389)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...

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  (803): He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is... http://tfl.nu/usg6
  Replies (3) Good night (467) Bad night (183)

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