i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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