She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
