i think my mom watched the whole time
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
