So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
