i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
