Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
