Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
