Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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