We won't sleep together?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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