Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
