Kareoke will never be a sober sport
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
