This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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