Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize