I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
it's great music for shaving your balls
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
