I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
