Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize
