her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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