I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
