no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
