I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think I died a long time ago.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
