All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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