Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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