the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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