there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
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Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
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The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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