I heard we made out
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
