I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize