i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
