so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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