i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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