why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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