The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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