Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
