is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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