i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
