I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
