tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
