just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
