that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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