god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
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i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
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Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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